25 completely (ir)rational reasons my child refuses to sleep

Here is the full list

​1. “I’m hungry.”Even though you were offered food five minutes ago? And you refused then? Hunger doesn’t hit until a child is horizontal.
2. “I’m thirsty.”That’s so strange because you have a water bottle right beside your bed. And you’re not drinking out of it.
 3. “The blanket is itching me.”The very same blanket that you’ve been using since birth, that was only just washed, that I’ve rearranged 15 times already tonight and that you have refused to sleep without every other since the day you were born?
Yes, that’s the one.
4. “The dog is looking at me.”No. No the dog isn’t even in the bedroom. But good try.
5. “I can smell the dog.”Pretend it’s a nice smell. Like cinnamon.
6. “I want a story.”You’ve had a story.
7. “The TV is too loud.”The TV isn’t even on. And, before you try it, the neighbour’s TV isn’t on either.
8. “I’m not tired.”The yawns, eye rubbing and whinging would suggest a different story.
9. “I don’t like my pyjamas.”You picked them out. And you’ve changed them three times already.
10. “I want to sleep in your bed.”My bed is uncomfortable. And there’s most likely a dog in it.
11. “The picture on the wall is moving.”Nope. That’s your exhaustion kicking in. You’re so tired you’re hallucinating.
12. “I need tickles.”Okay, two minutes of tickles.
13. “Something is touching my back.”It’s me. You told me to tickle you.
14. “I can’t sleep unless you sing to me.”Okay, I’ll sing to you.
15. “You’re singing it wrong.”How about we just be quiet and close our eyes and see how that goes?
16. “It’s too quiet.”It’s supposed to be quiet. It’s bedtime.
17. “My finger hurts.”No it doesn’t.
18. “My hair hurts.”That’s not even a valid pain.
19. “I can’t remember how to sleep.”Close your eyes. Stop thinking. Take deep breaths. And relax.
20. “I need Teddy.”Teddy is right beside you.
21. “I need him to sleep on my other side.”Then move him.
22. “I can’t sleep unless you tell me how many sleeps until my birthday.”106.
23. “My birthday is too far away.”Go to sleep and it will be one day closer.
24. “The moon is too bright.”I’ll shut the curtains.
25. “The room is too dark.”

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